Glossary of tech phrases


If you came here from Hacker News...

Then I've learned that I need to explicitly spell out in the beginning of the post that this article is partly facetious.

Phrase said under stressReal meaning
Thanks for the feedback.Fuck you.
Thanks for the feedback! (with an explanation point)Die in a slow-moving, low-temperature and ultimately avoidable fire.
That's interesting.You are unburdened by talent.
Could you please file an issue?Swim into a boat motor. Face-first, but get your arms in there, too.
Like I said...Clean the shit out of your ears.
Let's table this for the time being. We've got N minutes left and a lot of agenda items remaining.I'm sick of hearing your voice. Shut the fuck up. Your time management is even worse than your hygiene.
How about we do this...I'm tired of waiting for you to get it, so now I'm going to distract you with a false compromise.
Sounds goodI have zero faith in your ability to deliver. None. So I'm passive agressively pointing to the fact that it only sounds good, because it's never going to be.
Let me know if I can do anything to helpThis is completely on you and I don't want to hear about it again.
Let's take some action items.I can't understand the power dynamics on this Zoom call yet but I'm incapable of contributing to the problems we're discussing here
<Name>, can you take an action item?I'm a Muppet missing the adult hand that goes up my ass and tells me what to say. I can tell you're all starting to catch on, so in my low-grade panic I'm going to try to distract all of you while I continue to wait around around for the adult to show up...
NIT: I prefer a more <vague adjective> coding style...I'm finally secure enough in this institution to enforce my father-shaped emotional void upon you and our codebase. I never learned to wash my ass properly.
Great idea, <executive above me>!You could have kept my entire salary plus benefits and skipped hiring me with no impact whatsoever on final outcomes or team strength.
Great idea, <individual contributor below me>!Your idea is now my idea. I'm going to start pitching it as my original work starting in my next meeting beginning in 10 minutes.
Happy to help!I'm updating my resume.
I'll take a lookLet me Google that for you, you incompetent ninny. I'm also positive you got a larger equity grant than I did.
You're one of our top performersWe're underpaying you.